If I’m a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you its either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you

Or I really hate you and don’t care if you know it

Good luck figuring out which one

(Source: nontarian)

roughrimjob:

I feel really shitty and useless but at the same time I’m still perfect and better than anyone

deucebowl:

How the FUCK am I supposed to have a good day when 28% of Americans aren’t getting enough fiber?

jillbiden:

the queen wearing a hoodie whilst driving a range rover

[x]

1dlwwyoung:

let me know when this stops being funny

(Source: nialljames91393)

spookymormon:

spookymormon:

my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great

(Source: thejogging)

falloutyoungmale:

I write sins not five page research papers

(Source: arthurtimothyread)

whorville:

I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life

broternia:

i was just out taking a walk and some woman slowly stopped her car next to me and she was all like “excuse me” and i was freakin out like oh my god she’s going to kill me or ask for directions or something, my life is over, and she was like “take this” and she handed me a 10 dollar bill and she was like “get yourself a haircut so you can get a job you fucking hippie”  i’m laaughing so hard i am a 16 year old girl this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me 

cestlavieparis:

Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful (jazz version)

(Source: debourbon)